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Ms. 35 #2: Making Moves

   

Ms. 35 offers helpful advice and answers to your etiquette questions related to NYC's moving image culture. Have a burning question about navigating the exciting world of New York City moviegoing? Unsure of how to conduct yourself during a communal experience? Feel like you're… in the dark? Send your inquiries to [email protected]!

Dear Ms. 35,

Let’s say you want to make the moves on someone during a movie, what's the best approach? Whispering seems like a good start, but a hand on the leg is hot. It has to be done at the right moment though…

Any advice?

Thirstily yours,
Glad Hands

Dear Glad Hands,

From the dark ages of the nickelodeon to our halcyon era of the 4D Experience, the movies have long been a favorite way to drum up a little action. Think about it: a dark room, a swelling score, hands across the arm rest...

When in thrall to the silver screen, it seems downright unnatural to divert your eyes from the film toward your companion’s crotch. But if a total dud is unspooling and your mind’s made up, how, then, can a lovesick cinephile cross that threshold from Cinerama Dome to Pleasure Dome? Pay attention, as we let this classic jam do the talking (or shall we say...singing?)

Escapism (to the tune of “Escape (The Pina Colada Song)")

I was sick of going solo, I’d become quite a prick
Like a worn IB Tech print, of a favorite flick
While my roommates binged on Netflix, I read Screen Slate in bed
And in the new advice column, there was a letter I read

If you like Andrej Zulawski, and sitting in the aisle seat
If you hate Nicholas Refn, think Ernst Lubitsch is neat
If you like “Basket Case” at midnight, seeing “Dune” in a cape
I’m the bud that you look for, sit by me and escape

I don’t watch a lot of TV, I know that sounds kind of lame
“Lost” was never compelling as “The Most Dangerous Game”
So I hit up Jon at “Screen Slate,” wrote to Ms. 35
How do I talk to this stranger, invite them to “Dead Alive”?

If you like Ida Lupino, and sitting in the front row
If you love Joseph Losey, and you hate Cameron Crowe
If you like “Street Trash” at midnight, points if you’ve got the tape
I’m the pal that you look for, sit by me and escape

I got to BAM super early, and I held onto a seat
Just in case I spied a honey, that I’d like to meet
That’s when a dimepiece sat beside me, and they had MoviePass
When the lights started dimming, I felt a hand on my ass

If you like Mizoguchi, and sneaking in your own snacks
If you love 70mm, think the Dardennes are hacks
If you like “Chimes at Midnight,” and don’t mind if I vape
I’m the pal that you look for, sit by me and escape

….and honestly if that doesn’t do the trick, try this ol’ chestnut.

***

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Next time: When is it cool to smuggle in your own snacks? See you in two weeks!